


orange pill bottle

by Anonymous



Series: mythical-soul's fics [5]
Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, M/M, Medication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 12:25:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5048512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Link started medication, Rhett kept track of it with a calendar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	orange pill bottle

**Author's Note:**

> I was really tired when this idea came up to me so, it's quite messy. I'm not an expert in this, I only know about medication and anxiety thanks to some friends and what the internet says. I'm sorry if it's not accurate!!
> 
> Enjoy! ♥

When Link started medication, Rhett kept track of it with a calendar.

The past few months, anxiety has been taking a lot out of Link.

When both of them were sleeping together, Link lied with his head on Rhett’s chest and when Rhett wrapped his arms around him, he could feel the tension on Link’s shoulders and on his back, he could feel Link’s fingers holding onto Rhett’s shirt way to hard.

Everyone at the office got used to the dark circles under his eyes and how he seemed more tired than usual and how his smiles didn’t touch his eyes when they weren’t recording.

It wasn’t only that Link wasn’t sleeping, it was that Rhett would find him looking at the nothing, short of breath, as if he was so deep on his thoughts that he was starting to drown. It was also the way he seemed to worry a lot more when they were recording something, and the way he acted when they were at an event.

(Someone would comment how Link seem to do alright, how he didn’t look _that_ nervous, how confident he seemed and Rhett just wanted to tell them they should know the difference between composure and ease.)

Rhett thought about bring it up the idea of Link seeing a therapist, a psychologist, _someone_ ,

but, to his surprise, it was Link who brought it up one day.

“I need to see someone,” he said, standing in under the doorframe of their bathroom, looking at his best friend sitting on the edge of the bed. Rhett looked up and put his phone away, looking back at Link.

“I think you should.” Rhett noticed the look in Link’s eyes, the almost surprised shine on his blue eyes that made Rhett understand that words like _you think I’m a failure, you think I’m broken, you think I’m worthless_ were firing up in Link’s mind. He walked up to him, silently. “I love you. It’s alright, you’re alright.”

Rhett walked over to him and his hands found a home on each side of Link’s face, pressing up on his cheeks almost comically. They laughed softly before Link pulled Rhett into a strong hug, mumbling soft words in response before closing his eyes and pressing his ear to Rhett’s chest, listening to his heartbeat.

 

Going to the psychologist was a rollercoaster of emotions: he got diagnosed with anxiety and Link seemed to be alright to have a few hours in the week to wear his heart on his sleeve and talk about everything that was on his mind. And, after a few weeks and a lot of talks, she made him an appointment with a _psychiatrist_.

Rhett and Link talked about the anti-anxiety medication when the idea was put up on the table. Both of them knew this wasn’t going to really solve everything that Link was feeling, this was a long process to know what it was the correct medication, this was going to come with many side effect, they knew.

Yet, Link wanted to take them, his psychologist thought it was the best for him and even when Link didn’t quite believe him at first, Rhett was going to be there, always.

After many visits, they found themselves sitting on the car outside of a pharmacy. The small orange bottle with Link’s name and his prescription was written on the label and somehow, in Link’s hands, it weighted a lot more and it almost burned.  Both of them looked at each other and Rhett couldn’t help but take Link’s hand on his, kissing his best friend’s knuckles. “I love you” and Link just smiled, squeezing Rhett’s hand on his before starting the car and going home, ignoring the bottle sitting on the space between their seats.

 

It was around the third week when the idea pop up on Rhett’s mind.

He started to keep track of Link’s changes since that day. Each day was a different color, all of them hidden on his phone calendar, hidden from Link’s eyes, (he wasn’t sure how Link would feel when he found out that Rhett was labeling his days) but he had to. He wanted to.

He wanted to know if this was helping Link.

He worried about Link.

Rhett made a color system to keep track of everything, a range of colors decorating every single day along with his own reminders as meetings and birthdays: yellow was for very good days, green for just good days, white for normal days, blue for bad days, and a dark purple for very bad days.

Link was told that the medication took full effect between four to six weeks and that seemed like an eternity.

The first weeks on Rhett’s calendars were normal, a few annotations here and there, but it was after the fifth week when the palette started changing up.

There were a few side effects with his medication, things that the doctor had said that they were possible and that Rhett had read around the internet: Link sometimes had an upset stomach and maybe he didn’t have any appetite but Rhett made him eat- he also felt lightheaded something and that made Rhett worry.

His calendar started changing colors pretty regularly.

Blue, blue, blue, white, blue, white, white.

Blue, white, white, yellow, blue, purple, blue.

Rhett had every right to be worried. The yellow day that week had been amazing and Link said he felt fantastic and he looked fantastic and he was laughing and smiling and Rhett felt this happiness bubbling on his chest, the warmth of a volcano waking up inside of him every time he observed Link. It was amazing but the purple and blue days hit Link hard.

Rhett had him on his arms, Link’s face hidden on his chest and all his body was shaking and Rhett wasn’t sure if it was an after effect of the panic attack he had minutes before or because he was crying horribly.

“Why I can’t be normal, Rhett?” Link mumbled under his breath and the words hurt more than Rhett thought. “Why my brain has to be so stupid?! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” The sadness (and the desperation) was slipping through his words and Rhett couldn’t do anything else but shush him, wrapping his arms even tighter, pressing soft kisses on his hair.

The days seemed to get longer for both of them.

Most of the time Link felt tired, felt as if he didn’t want to do anything but lie in bed and not think about the world, yet he did get up because Rhett made him too and told him that he loved him, kisses included, told him that their crew was going to be waiting for them, that they had many amazing things to do, and that gave Link a nice sensation on his chest- days were hard but he tried to keep going, a little support on his side.

Even when he did get up, everything seemed like a little too much.

Every therapy felt a lot longer than it actually was.

Everything seemed long and tedious and heavy on their shoulders.

Next week wasn’t so bad, there was white and blue spots on Rhett’s calendar, along with a green day, and he thought that maybe that wasn’t so bad. With the advance of the weeks, blue days started to become lesser and Rhett could see Link’s smiles hitting his eyes, his laugh more alive than ever.

At some point, his psychiatrist lowered his dose.

Blue, green, yellow, blue, white, white, blue.

(On that week, Rhett found Link throwing up his lunch, a side effect of his medicament.)

Blue, white, green, white, blue, blue, white.

(Rhett noticed that Link started to sleep more and that his fingers didn’t hold his shirt so tight as before.)

White, blue, white, blue, green, white, purple.

It was the first purple day in almost a month and it hit Link hard.

That was also the day Link discovered the calendar and he reacted just the way Rhett feared.

“What is this?” The broken voice made Rhett stop, looking at Link with tears shining on his eyes and Rhett’s phone on his hand, opened on the calendar. “Are you keeping… track of me?”

The words that came out of their mouths were so wrong and they didn’t even think about what they were going to say, what they were saying, and it got to a point where both of them had been screaming at each other, as if they hated their existence. Words like _chill down, I’m a bother, I’m trying to help_ and _I can’t believe this_ came out of their mouths and crashed into them without even trying to stop the inevitable hit.

They felt exhausted afterwards and, taking a few long minutes to cool down, tears were shed and _I love you_ s and _I’m sorry_ s were exchanged. Fingers searched apologizes on each other’s skins that craved for the warm, mouths were chapped and dry but that didn’t stop them from pressing them together.

Link apologized over and over for being upset at the calendar.

Rhett mumbled lovingly over Link’s words, telling him that he should forget the calendar.

The last day marked up was Friday, purple decorating the date and number.

 

Weeks passed quickly and everyone noticed the changes in Link.

Rhett mind forgot about calling them good days or bad days, he was just glad that some days Link smiled and really meant it, that he started singing in the car with his heart, that he was actually glad that it was a new day. Kisses tasted sweet and Rhett wasn’t sure if it was because his medicament or because the sweet tea or because the loving words that rolled out of Link’s tongue a few seconds ago, but everything felt _right_.

Rhett felt glad and somehow, ended up falling for Link even more if that was even possible

Yet, he started to notice that whenever he asked Link how it was his session with his psychiatrist, he would just shrug and tell him that nothing changed, that everything was alright.

The orange pill bottle disappeared from their desk at work and from their car a few weeks ago but Rhett didn’t mention it because, maybe, Link had it on himself. That thought wasn’t calming but he did find them later in one of their kitchen cabinets, sitting between some other medicine.

Rhett saw the bottle every time he searched for sugar and, after almost two months, he noticed that it still had the same amount of pills as the first day he found it. His chest tightened and his stomached turned because he knew, he knew that Link shouldn’t drop his medication without first consulting a doctor, his doctor, his psychiatrist, and god knows what the fuck was Link doing.

Link appeared into their office a few hours later and Rhett brought his chair close to him.

“Hey there,” Link greeted him, kiss on Rhett’s cheek before opening his laptop.

Rhett closed Link’s laptop, making Link jump on his chair.

The orange bottle appeared on the desk, loud bang noise when Rhett set it up next to Link’s hand and Rhett thought that maybe the closeness of the bright colored bottle burned Link. “What is this?”

“My medication?” Link questioned and Rhett noticed the almost confident voice that his boyfriend had.

Rhett opened the bottle and let the pills fall into their desk, their white almost sickening. “It’s a full bottle. You either stopped taking your medication or you got another bottle, and neither of those options aren’t good, you know that?” Both of them observed each other and, without Rhett expecting it, the corner of Link’s mouth turned up and suddenly there was a smile on his face.

Rhett was confused, looking at that wide smile.

Link reached for his phone and started to do something on it, Rhett quickly pushed it away from his hands but his boyfriend stopped him with that smile on his face and a soft _wait_ from his lips. When Link showed Rhett his phone, he hesitated before observing the screen.

Green, white, green, yellow, white, white, yellow.

White, yellow, green, green, green, white, white.

Soft blue, white, green, yellow, green, soft blue, white.

“What is this?” Rhett asked but he knew, he knew this was the same method in which he kept track of Link’s days when he was in medicament. He knew the color by heart and even when the soft blue was new, he just knew, and somehow that made him queasy.

“I’m sorry for getting upset with you about the calendar,” Link started, his fingers caressing Rhett’s wrist, the one that was holding the phone. “It’s kind of incredible how you see the change.”

Rhett looked up at him and blinked away the tears. “That doesn’t explain the medication” and before he could say anything else, Link’s finger changed the view of the calendar from a week to a month and Rhett noticed the black box at the start of the month.

**_No more medication!!_ **

He scrolled up and noticed a few other black boxes.

**_Haven’t use it in weeks!!!_ **

**_Only use when needed!_ **

**_Dose lowered again!_ **

**_Lowered dose._ **

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the medication, it seems like I don’t trust in you, I just didn’t want to make you worry way more and, well,” Link chuckled softly before pushing his glasses up by the outer rim, “my brain just understood that I’m alright. Everything can come back and maybe I’ll have bad days but I can make it by myself, no medication involved. I guess my anxiety _chilled_ down.”

The laugh that escaped Rhett’s mouth was so broken and so choked, that Link almost was afraid that Rhett would be upset at him, upset of not telling him, thinking that maybe he doesn’t trust in him, thinking that he hates him, but the happy tears and that smile made Link’s heart jumped.

“I can’t believe you,” he mumbled before leaving the phone on the table and bringing Link into a hug. Link laughed, arms wrapping up on Rhett’s body and his fingers holding onto Rhett’s shirt way too strong but in a good way. “You’re an idiot,” he laughed before kissing his boyfriend’s temple. “I love you.”

“I love you too” and Rhett couldn’t remember the last time he heard those words being so soft, unattached of the worries inside Link; he had forgotten how theword seemed like if it was sewn together in a way that when Link said the word, it was as if he was carefully used the needle and thread so they would sound perfectly at Rhett’s ears.

When Link stopped medication, Rhett kept track of it with a calendar.

It only lasted a month but the greens and yellows and whites where there, smiling at him.

If he turned his head, Link would be there, smiling back.

There was this feeling inside of him every time he saw Link smile, he saw him sleep, he saw him more motivated to do everything. Yes, there were bad days were he could notice the glint on his eyes that meant a mind filled with thoughts that quickly vanished in the next few days.

The empty, orange bottle was sitting at their office, as if it was a reminder that things do get better.

Rhett felt proud of Link but he didn’t even dare to say it aloud.

Long nights and sleepy morning kisses said more than words.

**Author's Note:**

> [@mythical-soul](mythical-soul.tumblr.com) in tumblr!


End file.
